Family is important for all of us. In its most positive role, it provides a core sense of belonging, support, and nurturing within the wider community. For those who work in hostile environments, a safe home is enormously important. A foreign correspondent commented, ‘Without my family I would go mad’.

Separation from partner and family is part of the job for a journalist. However, homecomings can be disappointing and stressful, because readjustment to ‘normal life’ for the journalist can take time. It is important for partners and families to understand this. Children, particularly, may be affected by the constant coming and going of a parent, and they can act out in different ways.

The journalist also needs to be aware of the impact their life-style can have at home. The need to constantly adapt to their presence or absence can create feelings of resentment, because their partner (and children) may feel out of control of the relationship, or the family dynamic. For those who have children, some may feel angry about being left to do the majority of parenting on their own.

The following guidelines are aimed to create a better understanding about the possible issues that may arise before, during and after a journalist’s time away.

BEFORE THE SEPARATION:

• Tell each other about any worries, concerns or resentments you may have. It’s essential to discuss anything that is bothering you before parting. If either partner is carrying unresolved issues, it can make for an uncomfortable departure, and these issues can get blown out of proportion during the separation. Unspoken grievances adversely affects ensuing communication between the two of you. This is upsetting, and may have a knock-on effect of how you both function in your different roles, as well as adding stress to the relationship.

DURING THE SEPERATION:

• Communication during the separation is vital. Whenever possible, make daily contact with each other. For the journalist, it is a valuable reminder of a normal way of life, and, if they wish, an opportunity to share their experiences with someone they love. It is also important for children to have regular contact with their absent parent. This helps the child to feel included in their parent’s life, and allows the parent to keep up with the rapid changes that children go through. If communication is not possible for a few days, news desks will pass on messages to either partner, and to keep those at home informed of what is going on.
   
• Talk to children about your partner. You may be reluctant to talk to the children about your worries over your partner’s safety and welfare. However, children are notoriously intuitive, and will automatically know if something is wrong. They may also be watching the news. Therefore, they need to feel involved and included to feel safe. So, allow time for them to talk to you about their fears, and possible resentments towards the parent who has left them. And be mindful of any behavioural changes at home and at school. These may indicate unexpressed anxieties.

HOMECOMINGS:

• Routines and rules change. While your partner is away, you can quickly get used to running things your own way. However, routines and rules may drastically change when your partner comes home. You may need to be flexible, and willing for things to be different. This can be confusing for any children at home, as well as threatening for them. It is a good idea to include children in plans you are making for the homecoming, so they can get used to the idea of change.
   
• Be realistic, and sensitive. Reunions can be a romantic occasion. However, don’t feel rejected if your partner fails to express immediate sexual interest. The journalist may have witnessed extremely traumatic events, lived in difficult conditions, and worked under intense pressure for long periods, which can affect their perception of ordinary life, and their ability to be intimate. It may also be difficult for the person at home to get used to sharing their life again. Some partners may be reluctant to have sex immediately because they feel aggrieved over their lack of control in the relationship. Patience and understanding is essential.
   
• Actively listen. Journalists need time for decompression after a period away. Sometimes, journalists may feel reluctant to share their stories, because they believe it is difficult for their partners to understand what they’ve been through. It means a lot to the journalist to be heard, for an interest to be expressed in their stories, and space provided for the dust to settle.
   
• Be aware of your different realities. While you’ve been at home following a daily routine, your partner could have been on the road for weeks. On return they may just want to enjoy the comforts of home with no intrusions for a while, even from other family members or friends. It’s important to allow them to do this. So, don’t put pressure on to make social plans until they are ready, and be with them while they settle in again.
   
• Old problems don’t disappear. Separations do not solve relationship difficulties, and reunions can bring these to a head. For example, a partner may It’s important to talk about your problems together, and to seek professional help if needed.